Behold a new item from famed host club / dandy clothiers Buffalo Bobs: water proof suits cut from miraculous Dupont Teflon fabric. The marketing campaign cuts straight to the chase: an investment of around US$460.00 will insure you against the rigors of a particularly messy Dom Perignon champagne call...or, like this model, you can just stand around and pour a bottle of bubbly on your shoulder should you feel in the mood. But how these duds will stand up to other fluids ubiquitous to night work (i.e. urine and vomit) remains unclear.
The January release of Quantum of Solace in Japan means that super-spy-movie tie-up madness has begun in earnest. Would-be secret agents can now enjoy covert sips of MI-6 approved Coca Cola Zero Zero and skilfully blend into the background of the nearest pachinko parlor in any number of new 007 Japan collaboration T-shirts. It's like, "Bond and Beyond".
50 limited edition shirts from 12 brands will be available in all including items from Shibuya 109's much-loved moussy and designs overseen by the Men's Non-No mafia. But right now, the heavy hitters are coming from host/dandy/gigolo clothiers VANQUISH. Their trio of shirts show them to be staunch Connery purists and skillfully mix up the sex and snobbery side of Our Man's screen exploits with Shinjuku back alley street playboy style...yet only the Big Three (Dr. No, Goldfinger, Thunderball) are represented. Maybe they thought that You Only Live Twice was "too oriental"? Then again, we're talking bikini Ursula, Domino, and Aston Martin shirts here.
"Sean Connery caused
quite a commotion with the Japanese press when he revealed that he
didn't find Japanese women sexy. This later turned out to be a
misinterpretation due to incorrect translation, and took place on a day
when Connery was exhausted after an intensive day's filming. Never
overly keen on doing interviews, Connery didn't go out of his way to be
too personable with the interviewer who was aghast that the actor
showed up in a casual T-shirt with baggy trousers and sandals. "Is this
how James Bond dresses?" he asked, to which Connery replied tersely 'I'm not James Bond, I'm Sean Connery, a man who likes to dress comfortably.'"
For your flower and gift deliveries with impact and style in the Shinjuku Kabukicho area the ONLY sane choice is LOVE'S CLOVER...in fact, as the slogan points out rightfully, "It is only one flower in the word". So there.
In addition to really fucking expensive bouquets and floral arrangements sure to impress a true Top Dandy, LOVE'S CLOVER also delivers festive champagne towers, holiday decorations, even columns and archways to the host club or okama bar of your choice.
LOVE'S CLOVER can also create copyright-violating character floral arrangements, bouquets with encrypted messages, or indeed any animal in the bestiarum vocabulum (small dogs seem to be popular for some reason...).
While hostesses must be content to snack on Sno-balls and Ding-Dongs, LOVE'S CLOVER also offers a skull-fucking assortment of HOST CAKES made to order for special occasions (I'm going to go with "birthday") and those spontaneous celebrations when only "homemade" will do...like at 4am when you can't taste anything because you've become a human ashtray who feels like puking in the back but you'll get fired if you do.
FAX your orders 24 hours at day to LOVE'S CLOVER of Kabukicho, and always remember "It is only one flower in the word". The others are just symptoms of secondary psychosis with predominant hallucinations.
Published by Leedsha of Koenji, SPIDER is being positioned as the all-male version of their gyaru magazine proper ES POSHH! And if you think I’m the only guy dumb enough to mix up otaku junk and Shibuya small change, now hear this: Leedsha is owned and operated by Saito Pro., which means that Men’s SPIDER comes from the very same house that Golgo 13 built!
Flip a few pages and it’s pretty clear that Men’s SPIDER is shorn of the “American casual” clothes and bright colors found in egg and co. What they really want to do is eat Men’s Knuckle’s lunch to the tune of nearly identical fonts, layouts, paper stock, free anime sampler DVD (kidding). They’ve even managed to up the confusion by getting top Knuckle model Ryoma on board (above, hawking the glory of this season's offerings of shiny outerwear).
And like, Men’s Knuckle, SPIDER really wants you to stop whatever else you might be doing and give it all up to work in a host club. Like, NOW. You’ll make lots of money, which is all that really matters, so what are you waiting for? For more information, see the half a dozen pages of recruitment ads in the back and envy inspiring photo features like “Look How Big My Car Is” and “Look How Much Manga I’m Able to Actually Own Instead of Just Reading It at the Manga Kissa.”
With so much of this admittedly fascinating scene already covered by other well established and respected periodicals, what can Men’s SPIDER ever possibly hope to offer a nation full of aspiring “King of Dandy”? How about an entirely new and terrifying fashion style? The cover story for issue 1 reveals the results of their infernal experiments: V-HOST KEI; a diabolical perversion of both Visual-kei and host club chic proper worthy of the devil himself!
I’ll admit the mash-up doesn’t sit well with me, for reasons too numerous to mention, but as Izumi Nishimura-Evers once said, “That’s really the strength of Japanese culture: you can combine whatever you want, even two things that are extremely different. And the more different the extremes are; the more interesting the resulting mash up culture is.”
Yeah, try saying that to a guy in eyeliner, a leather vest, and a leopard print shirt, wearing fingerless skull gloves. Still, someone wearing a florecent track suit in darkest Psytama is bound to think “Hey, as long as the ladies like it..."
And they do! Dress the part and try some basic Nampa 101 (AKA "Onesan, doko kara kimashita?") on Aoi, this month's hardworking kyabakura SPIDER-woman. She likes guys who wear suits. Presumably even gay-looking ones with big furry collars. She also likes Louis Vuitton and...
Just like the on-going saga of Golgo 13, there’s really never going to be any closure here, because the globe is ever full of potential flashpoints; and each one a potential story, another magazine on the rack. Will V-Host Kei stick? Should it stick? Will the merging of Visual-kei and host style save the world of trashy Japanese fashion mags…or destroy it? (Stan Lee voice) Find out, in the next amazing issue of MEN’S SPIDER!!!