Matt and I are drinking and setting off fireworks in Inokashira park having a Gay Olde Tyme. Suddenly, I see red flashing lights coming our way. It’s the goddamn cops.
Within seconds, they are upon us; hands steady on their Blue SWAT Dictator pistols. I wonder if I’m going home in a body bag.
Matt steps forward and becomes the gaijin Flash Gordon. Here’s how he remembers it:
TRANSCRIPT:
Space Sheriff Gavan: I think these are the guys making all the noise.
Matt (In Japanese): Good evening!
Space Sheriff Gavan: Oh, a gaijin! Do you speak Japanese.
Matt: Yes. Are we doing something... wrong?
Robot Keiji K: Well, what were you doing?
Matt: Um, drinking. And lighting off fireworks. But we got them at that
convenience store over there, so we thought it was okay.
Space Sheriff Gavan: Oh, there's no problem with drinking and setting
off fireworks. The issue is noise.
Matt: Noise?
Space Sheriff Gavan: You speak Japanese, right? Noise. You were making
a lot of noise, right?
Matt: Not really. I mean, these are just sparklers.
Space Sheriff Gavan: I mean yelling.
Matt: No. I don't think so.
Robot Keiji K: Well, do you know of anyone who was making noise?
Matt: Well, you know Inokashira Park. (Nervous laugh). There's always
someone. Like... (makes sly pointing motion at group of suddenly quiet
Japanese teenagers.)
Robot Keiji K: Aha. Well, have a good night. And stay quiet!
Matt: We'll party quietly, officer. I promise.
The cops waddle over to the mangy pack of kids nearby and start harassing them instead.
A fire fight breaks out, and the cops hose the place down with optical effects. The kids burn up, but before they go, one of them says something about how they bought their mazer cannons at Wal-Mart, so they thought it was OK.
If only they'd put the silencers on.
I am drinking red wine and watching IDEON right now, but it is obvious the gesture can only shadow you.
Posted by: Carl Horn | July 13, 2005 at 10:31 PM