An Eternal Thought in the Mind of Godzilla

Pointed at a wall, pointed at a ceiling

Saraba Edward Seidensticker. My favorite of the ex-pat Japan writer-translator guys. His two-volume history of the sprawl, Low City, High City and Tokyo Rising, are out of print but essential reads. The dude loved the Taisho as much as we do the Showa, and he made me see the light. Long afternoons crawling across Asakusa looking for the scarlet gang...

Best of Jitsuroku Syuppan - Gold Edition

The interracial couples are really out tonight. Wishing I had something nicer to wear. A Dashiki maybe. Wondering what’s in it for them, those that have to date or marry the club hook-up or the guy from the classified ads in the back of the free weekly. Having to explain everything over and over again. “This is a Starbucks. People come here to drink macha lattes.” “This is Kentucky Fried Chicken. Pop stars eat this on New Years Day.” They pace up and down the block leading up to Eigashira koen. Funny little cop trailing them for the next edition of Gaijin Crime File. Bonus cash in his pocket for a pic of a couple making out by the swan boats. Perfect little shoes, silver and glittery contrasted with bright white Nikes. The rich man’s fanny pack. A simple accessory makes the coordination come alive. And she makes noises like a squeaky toy being mauled by a Rotweiler when the mosaic breaks.

B.A.D. (Business and Death) eyeing up the arcades and pachinko parlors, all of them, wondering when to close them down and what to reopen in their place. Soft Bank takes over the TV Games place near the Inogashira line. Pachi-slot place one million is boarded up in a Koenji alley, which is incredible since the Chuo line is like Atlantic City for losers. Big gaps in the New Akiba now. Construction sites and men at work. You can tell who is real and who is faking it by the way they navigate the main drag. Real otaku dash forwards, either alone or in packs, eyes fixed forwards like spawning salmon. Everyone else looks up in awe and terror. Lost. Maybe someday the JR train goes flying off its tracks and straight into any number of buildings that deserves it. Yodobashi Akiba, the UDX building. Akiba is crying out for a disaster to match the mood of expectation, which is oddly reminiscent of an audience walking into a new movie theater, like that one they built in Shinjuku on top of the new Marui.

(“You know how the Japanese movie business works? It’s so dirty. The studio buys up all the advanced tickets so they can say that their film opened big. So you have all these ‘hit films’ playing to empty theaters.”)

So I go to Kabuki-cho and into some old cranky hole in the floor. Old white guy sits behind me, leaving a Stephen King-sized paperback on his seat when he makes for the lobby. I think he’s with another Westerner, because both of them laugh and snicker whenever it’s actually appropriate, whereas the rest of the audience acts like they are at a funeral. I was never sure which I liked better, the thick and obvious rock concert approach to film going in the states or The Bereavement in the Family feel of a Japanese theater. The snack bar only has popcorn and “boring chips.” Previews for a bunch of foreign fantasy films (the ultimate of which would probably be this very view outside of the Italian Tomato Cafe Jr. window) and movies based on TV shows starring ageless members of SMAP.

Even if everyone is inscrutable you can feel it in the air. It’s kind of weird when Harry kisses the Asian girl, not just because he probably got a boner (although there is that), but also because it almost didn’t seem like a movie anymore.

But First...

Star in Mexico!

Comin's Soon

HOT TEARS OF SHAME TV - IDOL WARS!
(With Ai Amano)

Tomato Jr. naka ni imasu

Mom is bored, head resting on hands. Kid digs into almost-gone crepe, his feet swaying back and forth. She stares at him hard and borderline cold. From here, from the remotely spy window, it looks like he’s kicking her in the shin over and over again. A little gif. loop wearing cargo shorts and Vans.

Natsuki was a student from Niigata. She dreamed of walking her dog down Omotesando-dori, but it died before she had the courage to make the trip.

Mom gnaws the rest of kid’s crepe, perhaps in a desperate attempt to get the fuck out of here. Old people piling into uncool cafe. Baseball hats, opened mouths, and baggy bodies. Bony bitch at crepe stand looking like her legs will break under the weight of a white Gucci bag. Everyone looks a little fat in the face today. Greasy.

Matronly woman in black dress pulls along a giant huffing golden retriever that pauses to lick a spot in the street.

I think they meant "pan"...

Asakusa Graffiti

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

Sister feel bad! kick.4

Akihabara, 200X

It all really came down to this....Haruhi Vs. Billy's Boot Camp in the UFO catcher of merciless change.

Howling Ice Cream

Channal Shinjyku back street. Wireless spelling, not mine. Melting Italian slushy lemonade ice drink. Just down to the dregs now. The best bit is now the plastic straw, which calls out to be chewed on. And chewed and chewed. But what if I never stop chewing? Wife beaters and polo shirt walk-by. Five months backlog of baseball jerseys and sandals overcome all style concerns. Denki says Akihabara is over. The otage opened the gates of hell, and the tourists came flooding in. JR train conductors at Narita. All airport limousines, trains, and cabs bound for Electric Town Exit. Would Disneyland be any fun if they forced you to go? Much less Vuitton on display now. Occasional D&G belt buckles on girls rocking the LA celeb look. I could probably stay in this place forever…the nerd sultan’s palace window.

Streets of Rage: Kichijoji Edition

Asa Meshi Mae

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Review of The Anime Encyclopedia in today's Japan Times. Link here.

NRT JL 001

Generations garbled on the sound of take off. Homeless guy running into neighboring flight gate, a Hefty bag for his carry on luggage. Guy next to me reading new William Gibson from cover to cover. Aged author’s photo peering into my laptop the whole time. The long sweet Xanax hole. Detained as usual at immigration. New sign on the wall saying not to use cell phones in the detention center. I wonder how yelling “HELP” at the top of my lungs instead would go over. Officer amused by Otaku USA and Schoolgirl Inferno. As a MEXICAN AMERICAN, I know that La Migra can be a tough crowd, but he actually gets a laugh out. “Crazy Japanese culture.” He waves me out, probably wondering what the fuck is his country coming to. African soccer team staring at Limousine Buses. White nerds with long sturdy posters tubes, stragglers for Comiket? I come alone. I come in peace. I move fast. But the freeway is only two lanes. It’s not until hours later that the family restaurants appearing out of the dark that you realize you are finally almost home: Jonathans, Skylark, Denny’s, Volks. It’s a bug filled oven when you step outside. An inordinate amount of J-pop names a big deal of “natsumi no hi” and about half of Masamigi Sugi’s songs seem to take place duing “hachigatsu”, but my round eyes fail to see the charm. Someone seems to be intent on destroying the fabled yakitori stands of Kichijoji, replacing them with nothing. But Draft One still stands and it sounds like this when I hit the stinky crunk stained futon…

And Friends...

King Jim

It's nice to feel wanted sometimes...

Taisho, Showa. Meiji

Sailing off again and switching his I.D. for fun, Pedro Edogawa makes for the fabulous city of Tokyo2. Five months of Mother America building up inside his endocrine system, making him sterile. Smothering, demanding, indecisive, casting out false hopes and easy optimisms, death, death, maybe birth, and death, hot and cold, altogether boring the way it plays out in repetitious weather, everyone with the same goddamn bike messenger bag.

Col. Baldwin (or maybe someone just like him) sends in the mission. A hand phases in from nowhere like the Four of Cups and drops a line.

Cut to just after the end of World War II, in a converted soldiers barracks near the old marching ground in Roppongi. Walt Disney signs a very big check. MacArthur takes a cut and moves forward. A demoralized infrastructure lets them do whatever they want, hissing and bowing all the while.

Disney reacting badly to animated propaganda. Pirate print of Momotaro, Holy Solider of the Sea projected on charred bed sheet, suicide shout out to the Emperor scrawled in blood, perfect penmanship…he sees where this is going to lead one day. Cute little heavy armored animals marching west instead of east, bayoneting kindly woodcutters, bestializing honey blond fairy tale princesses. Walt tells Mac, Japan’s animation cel counts must remain lower than Hollywood’s at all costs. “At what cost?” “This cost” The complete first set of Disney dollars helps buy some new aviator shades.

Remote viewers have seen the ceremony. One of them, a former Espionage Reject, draws a sketch of it. Baldwin’s eyes steer towards what looks like the top of a beret, just to the left of MacArthur’s corn-cob pipe (a tip of the hat to Popeye). Could it be…Tezuka?

Pedro can put one and one together. Counter-ESPY wants the actual documents, but for what purpose? He scans the keywords for what’s about to happen…

· Female Nudity
· Broken Nose
· Bowling
· Organized Crime
· Hitman
· Sketch Artist
· Tiananmen Square
· Undercover
· Surveillance
· Witness
· Police
· Flashback Sequence
· Electrocution
· Vulgarity
· Lasersight
· Drugs
· Professional Hit
· Corruption
· Cosa Nostra
· Crooked Cop
· El Train
· Sniper
· Martial Arts
· Murder
· Remuneration
· Nude Modeling

And then he's off to catch his plane...

Sake mo nonde

My second "Otakool" column is in today's Japan Times. This one is about legendary from MySpace-to-Japan rapper KOKUJIN TENSAI ("Black Genius"). The interview is here.

Also, the hard copy is pretty hilarious. Pics of Quentin Tarantino, Kokujin Tensai, and me all on the same page...basically the three best arguments against ever becoming interested in Japan!

Shin Seikai no Kaijyu

Ok. The all-new, all-different second issue of OTAKU USA streets today, although (as per usual) some copies sneaked out to the big stores early. Not much in the way of hype to throw down here. It's all there on the cover roll-call. You like this blog? You'll love this mega-zine!

Meanwhile, Joey Coco and I cooked up a MP3 "jingle" for issue 2. Please listen, recite along, pass around, use it in your podcasts, and have a nice day!

Listen here

Diet Chuhai

This just in from Honda-san...

"Patrick,

Have you seen this?

http://blog.livedoor.jp/dqnplus/archives/1014776.html

I'm very proud of being Japanese."

Painful MOE BIKES in Akihabara!!

Original English Language Poppycock!

The definitive-to-date interview with yours ever-so truly regarding OTAKU USA magazine's intentions and methods is up over at Mangapunk.com. Link to the gabfest is here.

Fashion Week - Day Three: The Things We Did For Starwolf

Soushi (19 y.o.) is the best-dressed Gal-o in Kansai, at least according to the latest issue of men’s egg. I wonder how the look would hold up in Bakersfield, CA...