Celeb-ich Magazine

Behold! The first of what will hopefully be many imitators of Koakuma ageha magazine...Celeb-ich (セレビッチ). Translate that name as "Celebrity Bitch", imagine an ungodly mash-up between the lowbrow world of race queens and hostess club workers with the hazily imagined lifestyles of Paris Hilton and Drew Barrymore and you're ready to cross the red velvety rope to the party inside.

The first page is an ad for a "gorgeous" mobile game called "Cell Phone Host Club". Finally, you can order the champagne tower all you like, or play your cards right and get it as a gift.

J sticks her nose up to Celeb-ich, claiming it's not up to the gold standard set by aghea. True, the production quality is lower, the copy isn't as funny, and the whole thing is several notches trashier. But there's also much less of that "I'm a pretty princess" stance, and I find the level of desperation that replaces it kind of endearing. Take for instance this "female leopard attack" ensemble, perfect for an Italian post-apocalyptic movie from the 80s, or just a night on the town "hunting men".

Question: how truly hoe-y does this magazine get? Answer: Very. There are fashion spreads for racy lingerie and stripper wear that look like something out of a skin magazine filmed in locations that all but scream, "Hi! I'm a love hotel!" Then, with no further explanation or reference to the "One Night in Paris" video, it's right back to the hair and make-up tips...

Aside from jewel-encrusted deco cellphones and fingernails, what makes these girls convinced that they are truly living the Celeb-ich vita loca? Their pimped out Celevehicles, of course. Shino-san here is rocking a "kawaii" Volkswagen Golf, and another girl - who is actually kind of scary looking in a yankii way - gets around town on motorcycle decorated in leopard spots (presumably used for "hunting men").

But it's not all sparkly diamond super glamor all the time. Celeb-ich also takes time out of it's busy schedule to profile the lifestyles of "Mama Gyaru". Mom here is 26. Baby is 2. No sign of a personal assistant, or indeed, even a dad. Imagine how that kid is going to feel looking back on pictures of himself being paraded around the neighborhood by a woman wearing leather hot pants and a purple shirt with $100 bills on it. Note soul-draining depiction of "TV Time" at the bottom of pic.

Highlights for Children

- Magazine concludes with advertorial for the Sobre brand's line of floor length cocktail dresses priced around $100-$150. Among them are "Roppongi Style" and "Shinjuku Style" offerings.

- Alternate spelling of "Celevichi" is sometimes used to confusing effect.

- So far, there is only this one issue, created by Oakla publishing as a special mook. No. You can't have mine.

- Among Celeb-ich's own bizarre style creations include: "Honey Marshmellow", "Dom Péri b-ich", and something called "Japonais" that looks like something Cher would wear in the seventies.

- If you were a celebrity, you'd probably be a b-ich too.

- Breakfast is the most important meal of the day

Comments

[statiq]

Tokyo Damage Report called shotgun on that one:
hxxp://www.hellodamage.com/tdr/archive/magazines/celebitch.htm

Hit pages that made it through both reviews:
- Single "celebitch" mom
- Keitai host simulation ad

[Patrick Macias]

Cool. Hats off to him.

I understand that on the "Internet" people will sometimes write about the same films or books.

[Minami no Teiou]

lol @ that reply.

I would do anything for those girls.. they are my downfall.

[Curtis]

OK, is it just me or is mama gyaru smokey-hot?? The kid looks like trouble, however..